guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize