Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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