If i come over, it means nothing
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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