I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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