ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
