You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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