his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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