I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
