So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
