I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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