Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
