dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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