Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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