It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
