I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
