I'm going to jail i love you
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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