fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize