I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
