we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
