so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
