He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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