Sry I called you an 8
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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