I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
