You work out of a Hotel?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
