my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
