btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
