It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
