also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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