I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
