Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
