Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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