I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
