I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
