just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
