shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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