And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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