you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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