1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
