Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
