So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
