Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
