so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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