I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
