Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
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