and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
