Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
