he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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