just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
