What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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