I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
