she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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