somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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