I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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