y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
