im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
