Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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