Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
