Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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