the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
