Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
