There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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