if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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