I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
