bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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