Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We have started to decorate penises.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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