bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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